There is no place more sacred (or charged) for a host than the kitchen area during a party. While your host may present an image of imperturbable poise as he flutters around to serve guests, chances are he’s a little less composed as he sneaks into the kitchen to get them ready. last minute snacks.


With the holidays in full swing, here are seven unspoken rules to keep in mind the next time you find yourself in someone else’s kitchen host.



Rules for helping your host


Stay out of the kitchen unless invited


When you arrive, you can ask, “What can I do to help?” You can also suggest something more specific, such as, “Would it be helpful if I filled the glasses with ice?” or “Could you use a hand with the ham?” If your host doesn’t offer you a job or turns down your offer, it probably isn’t be polite. They have things taken care of and it is easier for them to continue with their own workflow than to involve someone else. In that case, don’t insist on helping and stay out of the kitchen.


Avoid floating


No matter how close you are to the hostess, you can’t assume that sitting on the counter with a glass of wine “to keep her company” is welcome. You also can’t assume that your help in tossing the salad or preparing the potatoes will be appreciated. Sometimes all that help turns out to be no help at all.


Keep unsolicited opinions to yourself


Congratulations! Your host has invited you to the holiest sanctuary and given you a task. You set the rules in your own kitchen, but in his he decides how things go. Unless he asks for your opinion on the rouxyou should keep your thoughts to yourself…even if you know it would thicken faster with another pinch of flour. Don’t take charge either: you can play dictator on your own island.


Avoid bringing dishes that require a lot of assembly


Unless you have no other choice (or have been given express permission from your host), you should not bring any dishes that take up too much space or expensive cooking utensils. Hosting is a well-choreographed dance, and you don’t want to cause your hostess to miss a step, or worse, a trip, because you both miss the standing mixer. A little preparation is fine (and expected!) but try to keep it to a minimum.


Leave things cleaner than you found them


You should never leave your host’s kitchen in disarray. Once your task is complete, clean up your workspace. Put away any ingredients that are no longer needed; put the dirty dishes in the right place (ask your host for their preferred system – people are very picky about this, you know); and clean the counter. This makes for smoother and more efficient meal preparation (no mess!), and it will save your host some time as he or she cleans up at the end of the party.


Don’t let them tell you twice


If you ask if you can help and your host says, “Oh no, everything is going well, enjoy…” you should take his word for it and not push. Nobody likes to repeat themselves. If your help is rejected, don’t be pushy. Instead, get out of the kitchen and do what they actually do did tell you what to do: go enjoy yourself somewhere else.


Don’t dig around


Small leaks and full garbage bins are part of the territory. If you notice a situation that needs to be resolved, alert your host and let him/her handle things. Taking matters into your own hands if it means digging through your host’s cluttered closets or cupboards for trash bags, paper towels, or cleaning supplies is more stressful than helpful, especially if they’ve hastily packed a bunch of stuff in there before the guests arrived.



More southern party rules


Although some traditional The rules of holiday etiquette may no longer applythere are a few more to consider to ensure you are a friendly guest. Mind your P’s and Q’s at your next party by reading more holiday manners every Southerner should know:



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